Reformistan supports PTI Party for next elections

I am pleased to announce I have joined PTI party.  This is the first party I have joined.  I like Imran Khan’s ideas, beliefs and values and his honesty. It’s time for a change a democratic revolution for Pakistan.

A sikh on Kashmir in united states congressional record

PLEBISCITE IN KASHMIR, PUNJAB, AND OTHER NATIONS ESSENTIAL FOR PEACE IN SOUTH ASIAWashington, DC, July 17, 2001.–Indian hypocrisy was exposed to the international community when they refused to mention the word Kashmir during the bilateral talks between Pakistani President Musharraf and Indian Prime Minister Vajpayee. The Indian Foreign Ministry’s press spokeswoman, Niruparna Rao, did not even list Kashmir among the items discussed. Aides to President Musharraf said that three drafts of a joint statement had been approved by both sides but the Indian Cabinet vetoed them.

“It is very clear from these actions that India does not want any peaceful solution to the Kashmir issue,” said Dr. Gurmit Singh Aulakh, President of the Council of Khatistan, which leads the Sikh struggle for independence from India. “India must learn that 54 years of repression in Kashmir which resulted in the murder of over 75,000 Kashmiris and the expenditure of over $2 billion a year have not extinguished the flame of freedom which is burning in the hearts of the people of Kashmir,” he said.

“India must keep its promise of a plebiscite in Kashmir, which it agreed to in 1948 in a United Nations resolution,” Dr. Aulakh said. “India is morally wrong. If India is a democracy, why is it afraid of a vote?,” he asked. “How can India justify its invasion annexation of Hyderabad, where the ruler was a Muslim and the majority population was Hindu, but by the same token in Kashmir population is Muslim and the ruler was Hindu and India sent the army to maintain its illegal occupation?,” Dr. Aulakh asked.

[Page: E1415]  GPO's PDF

India is not one country and it is not one nation. It is a multinational state put together by the British for administrative convenience. India is a vestige of colonialism. India has 18 official languages and there are 17 freedom movements within its borders. The fundamentalist Hindu ruling BJP government is on record that anyone living in India must either be a Hindu or subservient to the Hindus. This is not acceptable to the Sikh Christian, or Muslim minorities.

India has unleashed a reign of terror on the minorities. In 1984, the Indian government attacked the Golden Temple, the holiest shrine of the Sikh religion, and 38 other Gurdwaras and killed over 20,000 people during that attack throughout Punjab. India demolished the Babri mosque in Ayodhya, the most revered mosque in India, and it is planning to build a Hindu temple on that site. Similarly, Christian churches, prayer halls, and schools have also been demolished. Christians have also seen the murder of priests, rape of nuns, the murder of a missionary and his two sons, ages 8 and 10, by burning them alive while they slept in their jeep and other atrocities. Now the government plans to expel his widow from the country.

Last month, Indian soldiers were caught red-handed attempting to burn down a Gurdwara and several Sikh homes in Kashmir. Sikh and Muslim townspeople overpowered the troops and prevented them from carrying out this atrocity. In March 2000, while former President Clinton was visiting India, the Indian government murdered 35 Sikhs in the village of Chithisinghpora in Kashmir and tried to blame the massacre on alleged militants. In November 1994 the Indian newspaper Hitavada reported that the Indian government paid the late governor of Punjab, Surendra Nath, $1.5 billion to organize and support covert state terrorism in Punjab and Kashmir.

Indian security forces have murdered over 250,000 Sikhs since 1984, according to figures compiled by the Punjab State Magistracy and human-rights organizations and published inThe Politics of Genocide

“The people and nations of the subcontinent are entitled to freedom and self-determination,” said Dr. Aulakh. “It is time for India to do the democratic thing and end the repression,” he said. “It will help the Indian government and the people of India to give freedom to all the nations of South Asia,” he said. “As soon as it happens, the South Asian nations can make a South Asian economic market parallel to the European Economic Community where the nations are independent but joined economically, which benefits every member,” he s aid. “It will also include Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Sri Lanka, and others. This will reduce tensions and the nuclear threat in this dangerous region and will benefit all the people of South Asia,” Dr. Aulakh said.

India and Pakistan should embrace each other in love. If we don’t both would be finished. You should consider China as your enemy. They are our common enemy – Indian Parliamentarian to “beautiful” Khar.

Source: http://truthdive.com/2011/07/28/ram-jethmalani-tramples-pak-red-carpet.html

Ram Jethmalani former Union Minister and Rajya Sabha MP embarrassed India and Pakistan by his unexpected speech that advised the visiting Pakistan Foreign Minister that both the countries common enemy was China in the presence of China’s Ambassador and that he had come to the dinner after seeing her photo in the papers.

On Wednesday night the Pakistan High Commission rolled out a red carpet invite to the diplomatic heads in the capital for a dinner to its Foreign Minister before her departure. Heads of India, US and China as well as SriLanka were present at the dinner. The dinner was almost getting winded up when Ram Jethmalani got up to give an impromptu speech that had India and host Pakistan scurrying for cover and China being red faced.

Jethmalani said that by saying the Hina Rabbani Khar’s photo made him come to the dinner implying that she was beautiful. This had the Pak Minister who is already basking in the media adulation of her beauty blush. The next was a bombshell. “India and Pakistan should embrace each other in love. If we don’t both would be finished. You should consider China as your enemy. They are our common enemy”.

This had the Pakistan high Commissioner on his toes saying that he hoped that it was Jethmalani’s personal opinion and the latter replied that it was so. Jethmalani then started about his love for democracy in Pakistan and his hatred for dictators. “Whenever I see democracy wins in Pakistan then it reminds of my marriage at 18. I hate dictators but I like Pervez Mushraff . He tried to make peace but we missed the bus. Nobody here will agree,” and finished his speech.

Nirupama Rao was seen rushing to the Chinese Ambassador to explain that it was not India’s views. Except for S M Krishna all other top brass of the External affairs ministry were present.

 

“Unless India and Pakistan are locked in the embrace of love, they will eventually be destroyed. Do not accept China as your friend, China is an enemy of both… beware of them (the Chinese),” Jethmalani was quoted as saying, addressing the visiting Pakistan Minister.

Minutes after Jethmalani concluded his speech, Pakistan High Commissioner got up and said, “I would like to clarify that we don’t agree to his comments on China. I hope these are his personal views.”

To which, Jethmalani reacted by saying, “Yes, these are my personal views”.

Among other dignitaries who were present at that time and became witness to the incident were Khar, Malik, MoS (External Affairs) Preneet Kaur, PM’s special envoy on Pakistan-Afghanistan Satinder K Lambah, Foreign Secretary Nirupama Rao and her successor Ranjan Mathai along with their spouses, Rajya Sabha deputy chairman K Rahman Khan, former sports minister M S Gill and MoS Rajeev Shukla etc.

Meanwhile, Chinese Ambassador Yan was seated at a table nearby, along with US charge d’affairs Peter Burleigh, Sri Lankan High Commissioner Prasad Kariyawasam and Egyptian Ambassador Khaled el Bakly.

Jethmalani, who had already dome much damage to the government’s reputation by then, did not stop here and went on saying, “I wanted to be invited for this dinner today, and I wanted to come, especially after I saw your pictures in the newspapers today.”

He made an obvious reference to the state of democracy in Pakistan by comparing it to his marriage.

“Whenever I see democracy in Pakistan, I feel like the day I got married at the age of 18. The excitement like the day of my marriage, I feel the excitement every time I see Pakistan’s democracy coming through. I hope it will not be destroyed by any dictator,” he stated.

The former law minister also said though he was not an ardent admirers of dictators, he still believed that Pervez Musharraf wanted to restore normalcy in India-Pakistan relationship.

However, he concluded by blaming the New Delhi for missing the golden opportunity for strengthening ties with Islamabad.

Indians gaga over Hina Rabbani Khar

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Indian media, blogosphere are abuzz over Hina Rabbani Khar’s “beauty”.  Some commenters think it is a sinister ploy by Pakistanis to trick Indian diplomats.  Never mind that the foreign minister is a representative to all countries not India specifically.  Never mind that she was put into place after Salman Quershi quit and she was next in line.  I don’t get the buzz over her.  She is not a model.  She is an attractive woman but would seem ordinary person among Pakistani girls.

Here are some of the comments from Indian newspapers and columnists:

In the unkind world of adjectives, the odds are stacked against SMK and in favour of HRK,” the paper said, using the ministers’ initials. “Khar carries with ease descriptions such as ‘stunning’ and ‘petite’.” Krishna, a 79-year-old who takes great pride in his tailored suits, had a tough job of attracting attention when the two pose for photographs. BJP leader LK Advani presents a bouquet of flowers to Hina Rabbani Khar. “Pak bomb lands in India,” joked the Mumbai Mirror tabloid in a tongue-in-cheek reference to the history of wars between the countries The BJP leader appears bowled over by Hina Rabbani Khar. Tasteful accessories — Roberto Cavalli sunglasses, oversized Hermes Birkin bag and classic pearl jewellery — added a hint of glamour to her look,” another tabloid said. Journalist and author Seema Goswami saw a link between the monsoonal downpour that struck the Delhi on Wednesday morning and the generally fawning coverage of Khar. The 34-year-old minister scored full marks on the fashion front when she was spotted at the Delhi airport in a monotone outfit of blue — the colour of the season,” The Mail Today said. Hina Rabbani Khar appeared to have had an instant impact on one of the world’s most tense bilateral relations, with her photo adorning the front pages of most newspapers amid high interest in her arrival. All eyes on glamorous Pak minister,” said the Rediff website. “She is clearly being looked at as a perfect combination of beauty and brains.” “Pak Puts On Its Best Face,” said The Times of India, while Hindi newspaper Navbharat Times said India was “sweating over model-like minister.” Pakistan foreign minister Hina Rabbani Khar arrives at Air Force station in New Delhi on July 26. Indian Twittersphere was ablaze with commentary of Rabbani Khar, who has taken over from Shah Mehmood Qureshi.

Check this yet another  journalistic turd by India’s emerging and shining media:

In another diplomatic incident, senior rightwing politician Ram Jethmalani extracted an invitation for a dinner hosted for Ms Khar by Pakistan’s envoy Shahid Malik. Claiming to be a friend of Pakistan he then proceeded to be allowed to make a brief after-dinner speech which was grudgingly granted.

After rambling on incoherently about Ms Khar’s good looks he complicated life for his hosts by turning the occasion into China-bashing. An angry high commissioner had to take the mike from his guest and stress that the insulting remarks about a close friend of Pakistan were uncalled for.

 

Pakistani warrior Amir Khan wins IBF belt en-route to undisputed designation

Khan in green and whites...

An Indian Hindu gives $50,000 to Pakistani Educational Charity

This was a wonderful gesture by an Indian.  We Pakistanis have no animosity towards the good people of India.  If these two countries can resolve their issues in a fair and equitable manner, the two peoples can be friends at all levels.

From www.dawn.com

The Pakistani diaspora in the US, as elsewhere, have by and large done a great job for their country of origin. It is not just the highest remittances sent by Pakistani expats in the just concluded financial year but also the enormous contributions made by them to different charities in Pakistan.

Let me mention the one non-profit that I have been following closely since 2002 when it was established. I am referring to TCF-USA, a professionally-managed body, which has the support of volunteers in different parts of the huge host country. It has raised substantial donations for The Citizens Foundation (TCF) in Pakistan – starting with a modest beginning in the first year of its inception to 2010, when eight schools for the economically underprivileged students in different parts of Pakistan were financed exclusively by TCF-USA. In all, 71 of the schools in the TCF network have been donated by US supporters; several Americans have also travelled to Pakistan at their own expense to provide training to teachers and conduct summer science camps for TCF students.  I was impressed to learn that several Pakistani Americans from New York and Boston arranged for the donation of two 40 feet containers of children’s books.

Danial Malik, the organisation’s CEO and one of the founding members of The Citizens Foundation Pakistan, is reluctant to predict or even make a guesstimate about this year’s donations because a substantial portion of 2010 donations were given to meet the challenges posed by the floods in Pakistan, hence it may not be possible to match the performance this year. Donations raised by TCF Pakistan and the support bodies in the US, Canada, the UK and the UAE were used to distribute over 20 million meals in the brief period of 30 days, rebuild the 68 TCF schools in the flood affected areas and equip them with filtration centres to provide safe drinking water to students and their families. Since then TCF-USA donors have provided funding to equip all the TCF schools throughout Pakistan with these clean water centres.

At the risk of repeating myself, I may add that as many as 731 TCF schools in slums in cities and poor rural areas are functioning regularly. Their numbers are constantly on the increase. The school buildings and their airy classrooms, not to speak of playgrounds, labs and libraries, would put to shame the cramped premises on which many so-called English medium private schools in Pakistan operate. The total number of children to benefit from TCF schools is well over a hundred thousand and 5,400 young and not-so-young female teachers are gainfully employed, not to speak of the support staff like the peons and the chowkidars, who too earn their living by working for TCF. The teachers in the far flung areas are provided with transport. I met a young teacher who goes in the school van from Thatta along with her colleagues to her school all the way in Keti Bunder in south Sindh.
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In the context of floods, one may add that after the 2005 earthquake that devastated parts of northern Pakistan and Azad Kashmir, TCF responding to the urgent needs of the people rendered homeless by the calamity, built shelters and houses for a large number.

Incidentally, one of the major donors was an American Hindu of Indian origin who gave $50,000 to the TCF USA earthquake fund. This leads us to the fact that while TCF makes no distinction on the basis of religion or ethnicity in providing education to students of poor families, its benefactors are also drawn from different communities in the US. Apart from Pakistani Americans, the donors include mainstream and immigrant Americans of all faiths – Christians, Jews and Hindus.

Uneza Akhtar, the General Manager of TCF USA, informs me that only 8 to 10 per cent of the funds raised are spent on administration and fundraising. Much of the work is done by volunteers. Thus 90 to 92 per cent goes to promoting education in Pakistan. Uneza said that the volunteers are extremely dedicated; even a relatively small Pakistani American community such as Seattle has raised enough funds to build and operate four schools in Pakistan.

What amazes me most is that tax exempt status has been allotted to all TCF donors in the United States and, what is more, the concession came soon after 9/11. “That’s because we follow the guidelines set by the Treasury Department of the US government religiously. We also observe complete transparency in our handling of finances. We pay to have our books audited every year and our accounts are easily accessible on our website,” says Malik.

All one can say is well done Pakistani Americans who have built up TCF-USA from scratch. Also, full marks to non-Pakistani Americans, who contribute as much as 30 per cent to the funds raised by the non-profit. –asifnoorani2002@yahoo.com

Pakistanis, who will you vote for?

India Security Council Dream Over

There is rarely an action of competence by our government but let’s give some credit for Pak-Italy led group to stop India’s ambitions for the UN security council.  It would’ve  been catastrophic for Kashmir if India would be given a seat even though it has international disputes over territory that it has not resolved.  Also, next in line should be one of the 57 Muslim countries.

India a country that has not allowed UN resolutions in Kashmir, has multiple conflicts with its neighbors simply could not get the votes.  If India can be a good regional neighbor, the neighborhood would be more than happy to support India’s bid.  But for now the bully loses.

 

India, went virtually door-to-door to lobby support for their resolution that would open the door to permanent and non-permanent categories.

The Security Council currently has five veto-wielding permanent members—Britain, China, France, Russia and the United States—and 10 non-permanent members elected for two-year terms.

Despite the general agreement on enlarging the council, as part of the  UN reform process, member states remain sharply divided over the details, most of them sticking to their positions.

Indeed, the General Assembly president has said there was little  possibility of the Security Council reform in the near future unless different groups holding steadfast to their respective positions hammer out a compromise on the issue, at least a temporary one.

Probably it is not possible actually to find a solution where one of  these different groups will get the total of their aspirations, President Deiss said.

Experts see ’s call for the resumption of inter-governmental  negotiations, in which Italy/Pakistan-led Uniting for Consensus (UfC) is  a key player, as an indication of the fact that they are giving up their campaign for the Council’s permanent membership, at least for the time being.

Though their () action, they created a stalemate for four months.

“It’s like coming back to the process that they had killed,” an analyst said. In doing so, India and other group members have become isolated.

The  letter said, “We reiterate our full support to the process of the inter-governmental negotiations. We look forward to working constructively and in a spirit of flexibility with other Member States to realize as a matter of urgency the reform of the Security Council.”

Just before the June 23 letter, a major Japanese newspaper also reported that ’s draft resolution has “not made much headway on votes of support.”

Therefore, division within  is increasingly discernable, with India  trying to assume the group’s leadership.

An article published in Japan’s paper Manicichi Shinbun notes that the  has started giving up its initiative to put its resolution to a vote in the General Assembly, because the chances to obtain 128 votes are slim.

The article says that the UFC held a meeting in Rome where 120  countries attended, whereas the countries that support the current  proposal only number 70-80.

It also states that during the June 6 meeting of the  in New Delhi,  Japan and Germany wanted to discuss the next steps—apparently  compromise—but India and Brazil wanted to continue pushing for the resolution.

The UfC group advocates consensus on reforming the Council, instead of  a divisive vote. The group opposes any addition to the Council’s permanent members, but seeks enlargement of the 10-member non-permanent category, with the new members elected for two-year terms, along with the possibility of immediate re-election.

Sara Taseer on Fatima Bhutto

Fatima Bhutto is an opportunist in ‘martyrs’ clothing. She has no love for Pakistan. If she did, she would concentrate her energies on healing it from within, not trashing it from the convenient haven of international media studios. My irritation with the sanctimonious mantra of Fatima bhutto came to a head when at a time of flood crisis in Pakistan, BBC World played a Hard Talk Interview where Fatima Bhutto for the enth time, sat with her smug vacuous smile slicing the country and it’s administration into shreds.  How long, I wondered, can she profit from this one legged tale.

At a time when every Pakistani is joining hands and heads at a time of crisis. Ms Bhutto sits shiftily in the hot seat, scythe in hand, drawing her own last drop of blood, for another moment in the limelight. Her Tweets today, sabotaging World Bank aid to Pakistan, as Pakistan’s millions of people are desperate for food and water. point to her misguided loyalties and priorities. Her heart too full of bitterness and poison, cries not for the 3.2 million Pakistani children desperate for assistance, but intsead burns fiercely for misguided revenge.

>> Fatima is suggesting that the needy will never see that money and that it will reach Zardari’s accounts instead.  Who can argue with that?

I see Fatima Bhutto as a damaged person, and I sympathise with her. Her peaceful, coached, frighteningly calm smile. belies a raging turbulence in her mind. I feel it is unneccassary to continue to indulge her warped view of history. Especially, as it is focused on diffussing the aura and sacrifices of Benazir Bhutto. Fatima is a child of tragey, but there comes a time when she must bury her misgivings.

Her story is a dead horse. Fatima Bhutto, needs to stop beating it. Her only claim to fame is her Bhutto name, and all she has ever done, is to benefit from and attack it simultaneously.

For years now, Fatima uses the name to advance herself in global media and social circles. Her eloquence, opiates and shrouds the toxicity of her content. Her Bhutto name, tender years, pleasing appearance and pathetic tale opened doors for her and the platform she recieved allowed her to become bolder and bolder. All the while her story becoming fairytale like, with new demons everytime it was retold. Snowballing the accusations became potshots, that even she is unable to defend.

People may argue, who is more deserving of the Bhutto legacy. These positions do not come easy. There are many other Bhuttos, however if truth be told, neither Fatima nor Murtaza have ever made any real political impact in Pakistan. It’s is through Benazir’s lifetime of persistence and her legacy, through which the name of the Bhutto’s shines. Fatima’s story scavenges off this this. Basking in it’s glory but biting at the very hand that feeds it.

Fatima’s internal turmoil is rooted in a black sequence of macabre events which her childhood is steeped in. It is a historical fact that her father Murtaza divorced her natural mother, after the murder of his brother Shahnawaz. Shahnawaz’s wife and Murtaza’s wife were two sisters married to two brothers. Afghans, and daughters of a small time Afghan official, the sisters were prime suspects and investigated in the death of Shahnawaz. Mohtarama Benazir Bhutto’s own words said to my father ( Salmaan Taseer) at the death of her beloved baby brother Shahnawaz, said that, “these two sisters are beautiful women with a black heart”. There was no doubt in her mind who as responsible for the murder. On Shahnawaz murder the sisters joined hands, and with questionable access to endless money with no paper trail, they fought the case in France. They had the best lawyers, stayed in five star accomadation and were later whisked away to the USA, from where they have been unheard of since. Murtaza suspicious of his wife and her deadly sister, divorced her. Fatima never spoke to the woman again . Carrying the demon of her birth mother being involved in the murder of her uncle, Fatima’s anger took root. Neither historian, nor researcher, Fatima seems to be making a deperate attempt, to make sence of her troubled past.

Albeit, we have allowed her enough poetic licence. Her story oft time borders on the ridiculous and sublime. It is time now to stand up and put a halt the indulgences. Her story has been told and retold across India, Canada, UK, USA and the Far East. It is not convincing, and she has shouted loud enough and long enough. It’s past the time to move on, and Fatima needs to think up gig number two soon to keep hot in the press. Perhaps Fatima, should give Mr Cloony a call. This tale now must be buried, it had limited currency to begin with and we’ve all heard it once too many times.

Opportunistic Indian girl makes in-roads in Hollywood

>> no thanks.

Friendsicles,

>>  You are an idiot.

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011:

Get a BBM at 8 in the morning from my friend Nicki telling me we’re going to a party in “the Hills” that night because the Yankees were in town. But this party now presents a conundrum as a) I didn’t know people partied on Wednesdays because I’m uncool and b) I had just run out of clean underwear and hadn’t shaved my legs in three days, so I wasn’t really in a “party” sort of place. (what’s that you say? You’re surprised I’m single?)

>> No actually not surprised due to your photo.

However, after being told to grow a pair, I decided to join the girls after work for this fiesta.

Party time rolls around that evening and despite being a Wednesday, and based on how many trashy girls in short dresses there are, it looks like the inside of any club in Las Vegas has vomited inside this music producer’s home.

>> And a bottom feeder such as you is different how?

Minus all the hordes of Asians you get in real Las Vegas. I spend my first hour at this party irritated at having to even be there, and then telling the Yankees picture Joba Chamberlain how he’ll never be as great as my beloved Brian Wilson. I think he may have called me a lesbian as I was walking away, but I guess you can’t blame him since I did choose to wear pants. Anyways, I digress.

>> Your attempts at satire are sorry.

Heading back inside, bored out of mind, I look over and notice Jamie Foxx and Quentin Tarantino have joined the melee. Joy. Two more people at this party who could not give a shit about who I am.

>> But our attention-seeking _______ will prove everyone wrong!

I go back to texting in the corner while stuffing my face with a hot dog. About an hour later I’m making a drink and realize the pasty tall fellow pouring orange juice into my glass is the man himself, QT. Realizing I kind of have to go for at it this point, in all my nerd glory blurt out: “I’m sure everyone tells you this but I fucking loved Reservoir Dogs. I watched it when I was 11 for my school newspaper, and it’s badass.”

>> Here is my big career opportunity!!!!

He starts laughing, thanks me, pleasantries are exchanged about how I was clearly a fucked up 11 year old for watching Reservoir Dogs, and we start what appears it might be a delightful little chat about film. Until this happens:

Quentin: Wow so you really loved Reservoir Dogs, huh? Which of my other films do you like?((this blatant arrogance is the type of douchebaggery that really gets my gourd about Hollywood,

>> Please note you gave flattered him a moment ago… don’t go righteous on us now.

so now my film boner has turned to film hate fuck, and I feel the need to cheekily undermine Quentin.)(Me: Oh wow. You know, I really didn’t like Kill Bill…Quentin: What? What do you mean? 1 or 2? Me: Ehh, a little bit of both. I just didn’t care for them. Quentin: Wow…I don’t think anyone has said that to my face about my seminal films. Me: Perhaps it’s because you call them your seminal films. Shouldn’t you wait for someone else to say that? Quentin: You know, you’ve got a mouth on you. I like that.

At this point, QT puts an arm around me and I’m acutely aware that Quentin Tarantino has an arm around me. As are my four friends, who are all looking at me as if I have grown a second head. To be fair, I am easily the most uncool out of all my friends (I go to Q’s in Brentwood four nights a week), so the fact that anyone even mildly famous wants to speak to me is pretty shocking. He’s chatting with my friends and I like it’s no big deal, I am pretending like this happens every night of my life, and out of nowhere he leans in for the makeout. Yes. True story. I am pulling a frat move and making out in a crowded kitchen with Quentin Fucking Tarantino. I cannot stop laughing AS this is happening, mainly because I see my friends Nicki and Jen literally gag behind Quentin’s head, and I really am doing this for the story at this point. We make out some more, take a walk, keep making out, get more drinks, lather, rinse, repeat. Believe me when I say I’m not bragging, because..well…have you looked at a photo of Quentin Tarantino recently? (Please refer to: http://bit.ly/jL4ORR)

>> Translation: i am a fat sow

At some point in our public makeout, Jamie Foxx comes over and without acknowledging me goes, “Yo QT, ready to roll?” Quentin looks at me and says “Want to come to my house?” Ummmmmm…fuck yes? We get in an SUV and off we go. As I’m in the car though, I realize two things: 1) Making out with Quentin Tarantino is a great story, but there is no way I plan on putting out, and 2) This is a director who makes up fucked up films for a living, there is a 23% chance he could Phil Spektor me, and I’m definitely not ready to die. But alas, I’m already in the car and we’re off.

>> Have some class and decline the offer then… He doesn’t want to make you a director in his next production — certainly not an actress.

We get to the house, which is gorgeous, and Jamie Foxx takes off with his lady friend (I try to say bye to him and he doesn’t even look at me. Jamie Foxx could not have given 2 shits who I was. This is probably karma because I snuck into a screening of Ray in 2004 with my black boyfriend who worked at AMC at the time, instead of buying a ticket).

>> my black boyfriend?  this girl is so needy, it’s sad.

Which leaves me and QT alone in his bar. I spot a photo booth and immediately realize that we must take photos, if for nothing else, proof that this story even happened. (Because I know at least 7 of you right now think I’m still lying, and are pissed you had to read this much. It gets even better, I promise!!)

We get a few good photo strips, which I immediately buried at the bottom of my purse lest he take them from me, and go on talking about film. (For you film geeks, this was a great conversation that led to QT cutting me a trailer of my five favorite bad movies, but for sake of some semblance of brevity, I will leave that aside for another day)

>> Sorry chick tries to sell her “credentials” to Tarantino who is only interested in her fungal toes…

After a lengthy film discussion, Quentin suggests we head to bed, which is the point where I really start panicking. I have stalled for a good long time but the makeouts were really losing their appeal because you can only be sweated on so much,

>> small price to get into hollywood

and we were getting closer to the moment of truth on whether I’d have to put out or not. The makeout continues for a while longer, and I’m really getting nervous about where the night may lead, kicking myself over not pretending to be more drunk and “passing out”, and wishing he’d turn the damn lights off so that he won’t notice that I’m wearing Hanes Her Way underwear the size of Canada that I bought at CVS that morning because my life is really just that sad and pathetic. We make out some more, there’s a little below the belt action that I try to avoid, as QT has the most unattractive penis I have ever seen (short. fat. nub-like. The chode of all chodes.

>> Uncreative like bollywood, she plagiarizes words from hcwdb website.

Boys, those junior high pamphlets are lying when they say that all shapes and sizes are normal. Lying.) Just as I’m about to hyperventilate over the fact that he may try to put that horrific bodily implement anywhere near my Britney, he leans over and goes “Hey…”

I know this “Hey.” This is the “Hey, should I get a condom?” hey that accompanies 20 minutes of ungratifying sex. As I’m trying to rapidly think of ways I can agent myself out of this deal, I hear what is without a doubt, the strangest question in the history of my life. Quentin Tarantino asks, “Can I suck on your toes while I jerk off?” What. The. Fuck.

>> Do tell us about the part where you said yes…

Many of you may have seen this coming, as his foot fetish is WELL documented, but for some of us who spend more time watching Kate Hudson than we do Quentin Tarantino, this was a huge shock. On top of that, I don’t even like weird sex habits! A saucy hookup for me is on the foot of the bed, instead of on a pillow. Someone tried to talk me into a threesome once and I cried for an hour. Having someone ask to fellate my feet while rubbing one out was a world I was not prepared for.

But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I realized this just might be my get out of jail free card on the whole chode in vag issue.

>> Or.. you could’ve said no.

After some negotiations about how I would not partake in any of the hand job action were nailed down, I begrudgingly acquiesced. (And by begrudgingly, I realized I didn’t have to shtup the dude and said sure why not in about 0.03 seconds) And thus began the weirdest ten minutes of my life – having my feet made out with by an Oscar winning filmmaker while he pleasured himself. Truth be told, it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t have to do anything (a nice bonus, since I am undoubtedly the laziest person in bed, which some of you can attest to), no bodily secretions were ejected anywhere near me or my feet (thank god, because I imagine it would feel like walking in sand with wet I fucking hate that), and just as I hoped, we went to bed right after.

In the morning, I snooped through Quentin’s belongings while he was in the bathroom and now know his e-mail address.

>> because I am complete scumbag.

He fooled around with my feet one more time (this time without asking, which I found rude), and then drove me back to Nicki’s apartment in Weho and that was that.

Most insane experience of my life, and without a doubt, probably the best story I will ever get to tell. Those of you who know me well know of my love of hyperbole, so I’m actually rather sad that I won’t get to use “best story ever!!!” when talking about how I scored a free topping at Yogurtland anymore, but I suppose for Quentin I can make an exception. I’ll try not to forget all of you little people when my feet and I make our meteoric race (foot pun intended) to the top of the A-List soon.

Till then, I’ve attached our photo booth photos for those of you who think I still just have a vivid imagination…and yes, he does look like Frankenstein.

>> Translation: he never called me to give me a part in his next movie… s

Love, Beejoli